Life: Gaslighting In More Than A Movie
In 1944, there was a movie titled "Gaslight." It starred some of Hollywood's best of that era, including Charles Boyer, Ingrid Bergman, Joseph Cotten, and the debut of Angela Lansbury. The premise of the movie is a narcissistic husband manipulates his wife into believing she is going insane. Not an Awesome Marriage!
In essence, gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation. The purpose is to cause someone to question their own perceptions, memories, and sanity. Gaslighting is often used by abusers to gain power and control over their victims, gradually eroding their self-confidence and independence. How does one do that?
They deny events or conversations that actually occurred
They trivialize the victim's emotions or concerns
They shift blame onto the victim
They present false information as fact
They isolate the victim from other sources of support
Honestly, many of us do that from time to time. The difference is that when we recognize it, we apologize and work hard not to repeat it again. A "gaslighter" will never even admit what they are doing.
How then can you know if your spouse is gaslighting you? Here are some common signs:
You are constantly second-guessing yourself
You are feeling confused or "crazy" in the relationship
You find yourself apologizing frequently
You make excuses for your spouse's behavior
You have difficulty making simple decisions
You feel like you've lost your confidence or sense of self
If you are in a gaslighting relationship or know someone who is, here are some steps you can take. First, trust your instincts because your feelings and perceptions are valid. Then document events by keeping a journal. This will help you stay in touch with reality. Next, confide in people you trust. You need their perspective. Finding a good Christian Counselor will help you process what you are experiencing. Set boundaries as to what is acceptable and unacceptable to you. Finally, if the relationship is abusive, have a plan to ensure your safety.
A healthy relationship is built on trust, respect, and good, healthy communication. If your spouse is constantly making you doubt your own reality, it is time to get help. You need your thoughts and feelings respected and validated.
Have you experienced gaslighting?
If yes, what can you share with our community?